Whenever people ask how I like it here or what I think of this country, I nearly always say that I love it here. At the same time I make these statements with a kind of embarassment. How perverse is it as a stupid Westerner to come to Palestine to tell Palestinians how wonderful and amazing their country is, while they live under such hardships? Even though most people really appreciate the fact that I look beyond the occupation, to see the beautiful society behind it, I still feel a bit uneasy sometimes. As a Western person you don't get to live with occupation in the same destructive way as Palestinians do. First of all, most of us are only here for a short period: for us there's a way out of here, so it's very easy to like it here. "OMG! It's amáááááááázing.... but yes... my plane leaves next sunday".
Then there's the humiliating system of checkpoints, which is not even nearly as bad for internationals as it is for Palestinians. At Qalandia checkpoint you're allowed to stay in the bus as an international. At Huwarra checkpoint you do have to through on foot, but you can take the 'humanitarian lane'.... which goes of course a lot faster. But sadly waiting for hours at a checkpoint is often a privilige of the lucky few, think of all those Palestinian people that don't even have access to these checkpoints.
And of course... money. As always this 'dirty commodity' plays a big role. For us life in Palestine is fairly nice. We get to go to places such as Jerusalem, Jericho, the Dead Sea, Eilat, Jordan... wherever... and even inside Nablus (or Ramallah, which is even better in this regard) we kind of live 'the good life': we visit nargilah places, go out to diner and whatever. Besides the issue of access many people don't even have the means to do these things because the occupation has killed the economy and has caused an alarming rate of poverty, that strangles many people's ability to live, even further.
And then there's the violence.... the most clear and direct signs that there's a conflict going on in this small piece of land. As a Western person you live in a bubble. You don't see the violence or experience it directly. You live in a reality that is completely different than that of any Palestinian. The violence occurs even beside you when you are sleeping. You know that it happens, you'll hear about it, but still it is not part of your system.
I find it very difficult to deal with to hear about all these horrible incidents of youngsters being killed, arrested etc. and not being able to comprehend it, to imagine it, simply because it's not part of my reality. I see this country as beautiful. I romanticize it. I've been to the lovely small village of Yanoun and I had the time of my life there. Of course I knew that I came there to protect the villagers from harassment by settlers, while just in that same period a 18 year old shepherd (or olive picker) from the village next door was killed brutally by Israeli settlers. But as I've told before 'to hear' and 'to feel' are different experiences.
In my reality Yanoun was peaceful, warm and that upsets me in a way because it's not the entire story. Yanoun is fear and agression as well and I just can not associate any of these with Yanoun. Many people wouldn't understand my 'complaining' and would say that I'm lucky for not having to see this violent side. In a way they're right... I wouldn't want to experience it first hand. But at the same time I feel bad about it.
I walk through streets in Ramallah, Nablus and Jerusalem with my naieve bubble around me all the time. For me these streets are made up out of nice memories & encounters, shopping people, relaxed atmosphere and so forth. I just don't realize that once they were the scenery of traumatic experiences. In Ramallah I've been walking up and down this road for ages and I only saw the huge martyr memorial sign once someone told me what had happened there. I just don't see it, the reality is not part of my reality.
The Nablus I live in is a completely different Nablus Palestinians are living in. I find this very hard to accept. I don't want to be blind for the reality, but I can not really help the fact that I am...
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Lack of Luxury
One of the things of my new life here in the Westbank is letting go of my Western mindset and letting go of the Western lifestyle that I have always more or less taken for granted.
To adapt to a more Palestinian way of living means embracing (little) annoyances, lowering your standards on comfort and dealing with the fact that you can not always have things your way... Life here contains many barriers, not just the Apartheid wall Israel is building on Palestinian land. Many things here need an iron mentality of 'I can deal with it, basitta'. Otherwise normal things such as travelling (not even abroad, but from one town to the next), walking on the streets, can become imbearable.
Of course the number one reason is the sickening situation of occupation. To see how it fucks up perfectly sane people is still hard to deal with from time to times.
Travelling takes just so much more time than in the West that it's shocking to see from hilltops that Jerusalem is really so close to Ramallah. You know it, you've heard it, you've seen it on the map... but even when you see it with your own eyes, it's still too crazy to comprehend.
In Nablus you can not leave your house after 11 pm,the Israeli soldiers that invade the city every single night might shoot you, because 'of course' anyone on the street at night is a security threat or at least a bit coockoo in his head.
But even the most small and meaningless everyday things are not in your hands anymore. Just one example: In Nablus there's quite a water shortage. The water runs now only once every 4 or 5 days. This is when the big black tanks that are located on each Palestinian are refilled with water, to be able to have water when the supply has been cut off. This means watermanagement in every conceivable way, because the supply is not endless.... as is ironically the case in the Israeli settlements situated all over the Westbank, some of them even surrounding Nablus. You can not imagine how disgustingly creative you will get to safe water to stand through until the next supply. I do not really want to share all the details, but I can say that taking a hot shower is a luxury I can only dream of at this point. Instead we stand in the shower and pour buckets of water over our bodies. Unfortunately there's also been some problem with the heating of the water in the past few days... so it's either cold or mixed with water cooked on the stove. I'll save the stories about the flushing of the toilets for the true dare-devils.
Tonight I really felt greasy and dirty and my hair color had turned into a funky shade of brown, so I decided that I really wanted to wash my hair. Another volunteer Nicole had similar thoughts, so we decided to wash each others hair in the bathroom... just like true American highschool girls. We cooked some water and it felt so great. We had created our own Palestinian spa.. it felt like toplevel luxury and I think that at that point it even was.
But actually the best part of the whole experience had to do with some other barriers we ran into in Palestinian society, that are not caused by the occupation (at least not directly caused). These barriers have to deal with adjusting to a conservative (pre-dominantly) Muslim society, where there's not much privacy nor really a lot of freedom to do things as you see fit. They way you dress has to be very moderate and very covered. You can not just go with the guys, whenever they have decided to smoke shisha or drink shay (tea) somewhere, because many places are only for men. You have to be sensitive towards how you address men you know and don't know in the street, you can not become too familiar with them. You can not always walk alone, but at the same time you can not walk with a man on the street at night, without people making judgments about you. Up till now it's still okay, we knew this before we came here and we're not fed up with it yet... but it's interesting to see that certain reactions towards these limitations come into existence: coping mechanisms, ways to deal with it. One of them is that the feeling of solidarity between the girls here increases considerably. You're more drawn towards each other, because each one is dealing with the same situation. Besides you feel like having girls nights out... we've heard of nargileh/shisha places for women and going to the hammam on lady's night (even though for women it's only until 3 pm while men are allowed to spend their entire evenings there) And washing each others hair is part of the same pattern of 'us girls against the world'.
Nicole had just told us yesterday about the way Persian girls hang out with each other in private. They tend to be very affectionate and clingy towards each other inside the private area of their bed- and bathrooms, because in public life there's no room for this kind of behaviour and certainly not when it comes to men. It's funny to see how quickly we are developing in copies of these Persian girls in this conservative society. We had the best time washing each other's hair, while laughing and talking, even though the dream of taking a warm shower still lingers on in our heads. One truly good reason to visit Ramallah very soon.
But what life teaches you here that even without luxury and privacy you can sustain yourself and not only that.... It can be pretty fun too. Once the deceitful Western mindset is gone you'll see and feel the charm of most inconveniences of Palestinian life. Every upside has its downside and the other way around. The rush of luxury in the West makes life sometimes extremely impersonal and harsh, while lack of luxury can bring compassion and solidarity. What is the better option in the end? It turns out, that it's not so black and white altogether...
To adapt to a more Palestinian way of living means embracing (little) annoyances, lowering your standards on comfort and dealing with the fact that you can not always have things your way... Life here contains many barriers, not just the Apartheid wall Israel is building on Palestinian land. Many things here need an iron mentality of 'I can deal with it, basitta'. Otherwise normal things such as travelling (not even abroad, but from one town to the next), walking on the streets, can become imbearable.
Of course the number one reason is the sickening situation of occupation. To see how it fucks up perfectly sane people is still hard to deal with from time to times.
Travelling takes just so much more time than in the West that it's shocking to see from hilltops that Jerusalem is really so close to Ramallah. You know it, you've heard it, you've seen it on the map... but even when you see it with your own eyes, it's still too crazy to comprehend.
In Nablus you can not leave your house after 11 pm,the Israeli soldiers that invade the city every single night might shoot you, because 'of course' anyone on the street at night is a security threat or at least a bit coockoo in his head.
But even the most small and meaningless everyday things are not in your hands anymore. Just one example: In Nablus there's quite a water shortage. The water runs now only once every 4 or 5 days. This is when the big black tanks that are located on each Palestinian are refilled with water, to be able to have water when the supply has been cut off. This means watermanagement in every conceivable way, because the supply is not endless.... as is ironically the case in the Israeli settlements situated all over the Westbank, some of them even surrounding Nablus. You can not imagine how disgustingly creative you will get to safe water to stand through until the next supply. I do not really want to share all the details, but I can say that taking a hot shower is a luxury I can only dream of at this point. Instead we stand in the shower and pour buckets of water over our bodies. Unfortunately there's also been some problem with the heating of the water in the past few days... so it's either cold or mixed with water cooked on the stove. I'll save the stories about the flushing of the toilets for the true dare-devils.
Tonight I really felt greasy and dirty and my hair color had turned into a funky shade of brown, so I decided that I really wanted to wash my hair. Another volunteer Nicole had similar thoughts, so we decided to wash each others hair in the bathroom... just like true American highschool girls. We cooked some water and it felt so great. We had created our own Palestinian spa.. it felt like toplevel luxury and I think that at that point it even was.
But actually the best part of the whole experience had to do with some other barriers we ran into in Palestinian society, that are not caused by the occupation (at least not directly caused). These barriers have to deal with adjusting to a conservative (pre-dominantly) Muslim society, where there's not much privacy nor really a lot of freedom to do things as you see fit. They way you dress has to be very moderate and very covered. You can not just go with the guys, whenever they have decided to smoke shisha or drink shay (tea) somewhere, because many places are only for men. You have to be sensitive towards how you address men you know and don't know in the street, you can not become too familiar with them. You can not always walk alone, but at the same time you can not walk with a man on the street at night, without people making judgments about you. Up till now it's still okay, we knew this before we came here and we're not fed up with it yet... but it's interesting to see that certain reactions towards these limitations come into existence: coping mechanisms, ways to deal with it. One of them is that the feeling of solidarity between the girls here increases considerably. You're more drawn towards each other, because each one is dealing with the same situation. Besides you feel like having girls nights out... we've heard of nargileh/shisha places for women and going to the hammam on lady's night (even though for women it's only until 3 pm while men are allowed to spend their entire evenings there) And washing each others hair is part of the same pattern of 'us girls against the world'.
Nicole had just told us yesterday about the way Persian girls hang out with each other in private. They tend to be very affectionate and clingy towards each other inside the private area of their bed- and bathrooms, because in public life there's no room for this kind of behaviour and certainly not when it comes to men. It's funny to see how quickly we are developing in copies of these Persian girls in this conservative society. We had the best time washing each other's hair, while laughing and talking, even though the dream of taking a warm shower still lingers on in our heads. One truly good reason to visit Ramallah very soon.
But what life teaches you here that even without luxury and privacy you can sustain yourself and not only that.... It can be pretty fun too. Once the deceitful Western mindset is gone you'll see and feel the charm of most inconveniences of Palestinian life. Every upside has its downside and the other way around. The rush of luxury in the West makes life sometimes extremely impersonal and harsh, while lack of luxury can bring compassion and solidarity. What is the better option in the end? It turns out, that it's not so black and white altogether...
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
The bizarre power of Palestine
A week ago already I arrived back in Palestine. When the plane hit the ground I knew I was really back, I immediately felt the way I felt during my first visit to the holy land. It's hard to explain this feeling and I can not describe it other than the familiar feeling of Palestine.
It was weird to see that nothing had changed and that I recognized everything... as if I have two separate lives and I just took up my Palestinian life exactly the way I left it when I went back to Holland. The only thing that I needed to do was to remove the thin layer of dust it had collected in these two months. Everything just came back up, as if I have a drawer inside my soul with the tag Palestine on it. As if I just had to switch this button on to continue exactly where I had stopped. As if I hadn't had a life in Holland in the meantime.... that life immediately went into the background, to be shelfed and preserved for six months.
I've been telling many people that there's something magical about this country and I don't know why, when or how, but in the past week I've had so many little remarkable experiences that only underline this feeling.
Even the weeks before I went I had this. I randomly met a Palestinian guy in this bar in Rotterdam, in a very bizarre way and it turned out that his father lives in Nablus. It was kind of weird when I told this unexpecting guy that is exactly where I'm planning to spend the next coming six months. One of his friends is from Ramallah and when we began to talk it turned out that he used to live within a range of a 100m. from the place where I used to stay in Ramallah.
Then when I showed some facebook pictures of my previous trip the first guy recognized the girl that I tried to protect from haressment by Israeli settlers in Hebron. She used to work for his brother.
In Jerusalem this week I was looking at some books in a bookstore in East-Jerusalem when this woman started talking to my back in Dutch. At first I didn't even realize she was talking to me, or let alone that she was speaking Dutch. It turned out to be Meta Floor who had helped me out in Jerusalem during my first visit. Weeks before I had also seen her in Utrecht walking by the office of my internship organisation. At the first day of my arrival in Palestine last June, she asked me if wanted to join her for dinner with this local Palestinian family. I hesitated at first, because I had planned to call my classmate Elize to meet up in the old city. When we walked in to that house I was amazed to see Elize sitting on the couch of that family... apparently she was friends with the daughter of that family. In the weeks thereafter I managed to occassionally run into Meta twice in the streets of Jerusalem.
Yesterday I was walking in Ramallah when all of sudden I heard someone saying: Hey Nelleke. I looked up and it was Robert from the Dutch Palestine Committee, the organisation that has send me out to volunteer in Nablus. I even had no idea that he was in Palestine. He asked me if I knew this woman called Trees. I had just received this email of Olives & Tulips for Dutch people and Palestine and there was her name as well... but I had no idea who she was. He told me that it should be really helpful for me to meet her one day. All of a sudden he just ran across the street, just avoiding this car, to stop this woman. As it turned out it was the woman he had just been telling me about: Trees. She seemed familiar to me, but I couldn't place it. I assumed that I might have met her during my last stay. At the end of the conversation Robert mentioned that she is from Sahnin... and all of a sudden it rang a bell. A week before I went to Palestine I had seen this documentary about Palestinian people living in Israel and she featured in it. Quite remarkable.
Today I arrived in Nablus and one of the other volunteers immediately asked me if I knew Hammad. I did... Immediately I remembered that Hammad had told me that one of his friends from college in the U.S. was also going to Nablus, although he wasn't sure whether he would volunteer for the same organisation.
And there are even quite a number of other situations like this that I can describe, but I guess I made my point and I don't want to be boring. The extraordinary thing is that these kind of things used to never happen to me. In Holland I hardly ever meet people in the street, or people that know people that I know. Situations like these only happen to me in Holland when it comes to the subject of Palestine. Every weird, 'coincidental' meeting or experience directly relates to this country. It's mindblowing.... These little events convince me that going back is just something I had to do... as a sort of reassurance: small signs pointing in the direction of Palestine. For me it justs shows that this land exerts a strange kind of power on people.
It makes you wonder... why is this land considered to be holy land for three of the major religions of this world? Why has this land always been invaded by foreign forces? Why has there been so much fighting over this small piece of land? Why did the crusaders leave Europe in the Middle Ages to go conquer this far-off place they've only heard about before? Yes of course, religion and financial interests... but it doesn't really explain it all together. What ís the power of Palestine??
It was weird to see that nothing had changed and that I recognized everything... as if I have two separate lives and I just took up my Palestinian life exactly the way I left it when I went back to Holland. The only thing that I needed to do was to remove the thin layer of dust it had collected in these two months. Everything just came back up, as if I have a drawer inside my soul with the tag Palestine on it. As if I just had to switch this button on to continue exactly where I had stopped. As if I hadn't had a life in Holland in the meantime.... that life immediately went into the background, to be shelfed and preserved for six months.
I've been telling many people that there's something magical about this country and I don't know why, when or how, but in the past week I've had so many little remarkable experiences that only underline this feeling.
Even the weeks before I went I had this. I randomly met a Palestinian guy in this bar in Rotterdam, in a very bizarre way and it turned out that his father lives in Nablus. It was kind of weird when I told this unexpecting guy that is exactly where I'm planning to spend the next coming six months. One of his friends is from Ramallah and when we began to talk it turned out that he used to live within a range of a 100m. from the place where I used to stay in Ramallah.
Then when I showed some facebook pictures of my previous trip the first guy recognized the girl that I tried to protect from haressment by Israeli settlers in Hebron. She used to work for his brother.
In Jerusalem this week I was looking at some books in a bookstore in East-Jerusalem when this woman started talking to my back in Dutch. At first I didn't even realize she was talking to me, or let alone that she was speaking Dutch. It turned out to be Meta Floor who had helped me out in Jerusalem during my first visit. Weeks before I had also seen her in Utrecht walking by the office of my internship organisation. At the first day of my arrival in Palestine last June, she asked me if wanted to join her for dinner with this local Palestinian family. I hesitated at first, because I had planned to call my classmate Elize to meet up in the old city. When we walked in to that house I was amazed to see Elize sitting on the couch of that family... apparently she was friends with the daughter of that family. In the weeks thereafter I managed to occassionally run into Meta twice in the streets of Jerusalem.
Yesterday I was walking in Ramallah when all of sudden I heard someone saying: Hey Nelleke. I looked up and it was Robert from the Dutch Palestine Committee, the organisation that has send me out to volunteer in Nablus. I even had no idea that he was in Palestine. He asked me if I knew this woman called Trees. I had just received this email of Olives & Tulips for Dutch people and Palestine and there was her name as well... but I had no idea who she was. He told me that it should be really helpful for me to meet her one day. All of a sudden he just ran across the street, just avoiding this car, to stop this woman. As it turned out it was the woman he had just been telling me about: Trees. She seemed familiar to me, but I couldn't place it. I assumed that I might have met her during my last stay. At the end of the conversation Robert mentioned that she is from Sahnin... and all of a sudden it rang a bell. A week before I went to Palestine I had seen this documentary about Palestinian people living in Israel and she featured in it. Quite remarkable.
Today I arrived in Nablus and one of the other volunteers immediately asked me if I knew Hammad. I did... Immediately I remembered that Hammad had told me that one of his friends from college in the U.S. was also going to Nablus, although he wasn't sure whether he would volunteer for the same organisation.
And there are even quite a number of other situations like this that I can describe, but I guess I made my point and I don't want to be boring. The extraordinary thing is that these kind of things used to never happen to me. In Holland I hardly ever meet people in the street, or people that know people that I know. Situations like these only happen to me in Holland when it comes to the subject of Palestine. Every weird, 'coincidental' meeting or experience directly relates to this country. It's mindblowing.... These little events convince me that going back is just something I had to do... as a sort of reassurance: small signs pointing in the direction of Palestine. For me it justs shows that this land exerts a strange kind of power on people.
It makes you wonder... why is this land considered to be holy land for three of the major religions of this world? Why has this land always been invaded by foreign forces? Why has there been so much fighting over this small piece of land? Why did the crusaders leave Europe in the Middle Ages to go conquer this far-off place they've only heard about before? Yes of course, religion and financial interests... but it doesn't really explain it all together. What ís the power of Palestine??
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